This is the End

There has been a question burning in my mind for the past month. Why did Louise Langston commit suicide? She never gave any indication about what she was feeling. I was by her side through the rumors and the bullying, but she always radiated nonchalance. Two weeks after the funeral I finally approached Sandra, Louise's Mum, and she asked me the same question. Why? She had a loving family who supported her through everything, but I soon learnt after talking to Sandra that Louise never told her the full extent of the torture she was put through by going to school every day.
Back to the question, why? Louise never left a note, only an empty bottle of sleeping pills. Every day for the past fortnight I have been coming to her home and searching for clues. Finally I looked at her laptop, which had never been shut down. When I brought the screen back to life, a Word document was open. At the top she had written "There are seven thousand people waiting for an explanation as to why I stopped posting all of a sudden. They at least deserve that much. Whoever is reading this, can you please post this on my blog?"
As it was Louise's dying wish, this will be my final action as Louise's friend. Here is her final post.

"My story began nearly two years ago when I first posted on this blog. I was living in Gisborne with my mum, dad,  the twelvie, the monkey and the three year old with fabulous blue eyes. At fifteen, I was the dorky kid with braces and huge glasses which made my eyes look like those of an insect. Despite having the physical appearance of a nerd, I was happy. But that suddenly changed when Francis moved to town. She had so much influence over everyone else at school. They would follow her direction like sheep being herded by a sheepdog. Suddenly their attention turned to me, the small girl with braces and over-sized glasses. People always pick on the weak ones, and I was one of them. 

When Mum got a new job in Auckland, the bullying had escalated and had been going on for about six months. I remember typing my blog post, I was so happy and filled with relief. Auckland was fifty times the size of Gisborne, there were fifty times more people I could blend in with. And yet, the bullying was fifty times worse. I dyed my hair black, my glasses came off and in their place were contact lenses. I hated the contact lenses, but I thought changing my appearance would make it all stop, but as I later learned, it the worst thing I could have done. I didn't win, I lost because the bullies had driven me to changing who I was. They knew that too. I still remember the day Dad stormed into the school and threw one of them against the side of a building. Mum saw him as the bad guy, even though he was protecting his own. I lost myself, and Dad, to the bullies all in the space of a year. 

If I had any sense, I would have fought back harder. I just wasn't strong enough to keep going. Not everyone is. I wasn't bulletproof, and every bullet that pierced my core took a piece of my soul. By the end of it, I was essentially obliterated. 

I want to thank every single one of you once more. Remember that every second here you are, alive, and every second you breathe you are still fighting. Continue fighting. I may not have been strong enough to carry on, but each and every one of you are. Sometimes you may feel like me, a lone tree with branches reaching out to find some sort of contact, but you only find empty space. Each of you has someone, and you need to find that person. Myself, I wasn't brave enough to do it and it was too late.

To my family, Violet, I love you to the stars and back. The moon is too close to describe how grateful I am for you. I know that I have left this world without an explanation and you will have thousands of unanswered questions. Each week I posted on here, and if you read my story from start to finish, I promise you will understand. My decision to do this is purely selfish, and I do not want to cause you pain. Do me three favours--not just my friends and family, but everyone reading this.
1. Act against bullying and alienation. Everyone is a person.
2. Be at peace with the decision I, any others like me, have made and forgive us.
3. Don't let anyone change you except yourself.

Goodbye, for now.

-Louise."

I don't want Louise's story to be forgotten, she deserves that much, so remember her and remember you are strong enough to keep going. Do it for both her and you.
I know now that Louise is in a better place where there is no pain and suffering, where she doesn't have to be scared all the time. Rest in peace, Louise.
-Louise's friend, Violet.