Of All People

Hi, again.
WHY ME?! OF ALL PEOPLE, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO PICK ON ME?
I cannot express how...DISGUSTED I am right now. Not just with how these people have treated me, but with myself for letting it happen. More so for the blood that fell from the single cut along my wrist. I didn't want to do it, but I heard people saying that turning the mental pain into something physical made it more bearable. It made me cry more because all I could think was, "How did I allow myself to sink this low?"
My mascara is running right now. I don't even know when I started wearing makeup. It just sort of happened, like the bullying and dying my hair.
Dad stormed the school a few days ago, and he threw one of my tormentors against the wall.
Mum left him because of it, and it is all my fault.
All of it.
If I didn't exist, none of this would have happened.
Anyway, thank you for being here for me again, my six thousand followers. You are the one thing that gives me hope about this world. You and Violet, my one remaining friend. She has been good to me and hasn't left my side at school. I don't know how to repay her for it.
-Louise.

There is NEVER a Bright Side

Hi.
I will keep this one short.
Because my hair is black, I am an emo. Why can't I just be accepted for my dorky appearance? Why does everyone have to stereotype? The first thing is I am not emotional. Sure, my feelings seem to hurt a lot as of late, but I have never been an emo.
I feel...alienated, like Shylock from the Merchant of Venice. I know the majority haven't read any of Shakespeare's texts unless you were forced to for English, but basically Shylock was a Jew who was hated by everyone else because of his religion. Because Shylock was so hated he became bitter. Society changed him, just as society is changing me. The only difference is I wouldn't actively go out and seek a pound of their flesh.
I am staring at cats again to try and make me happy. It isn't working.
-Louise.

You Look Beautiful Today

Hi.

When I came home crying, Mum cornered me instantly. I tried to avoid it but she made me speak.

"What did they do to you?" she demanded.

I listed the names I had been called.

"That day you came home with a black eye, you didn't walk into a pole, did you?"

All I could do was shake my head.

At this stage I am not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing that she found out, but she is really angry with Dad for hiding it from her for so long. I am grounded all because I didn't tell her about the taunting. She stormed out of the house, and after a few hours we began to get worried. She came back later with hair dye and dyed my red hair black. Her excuse was that every time she felt down she would dye her hair so she at least knew she was in control of one aspect of her life.

This morning when I left for school, she was still home. Normally she is gone before I wake up. She removed the over-sized Harry Potter glasses and helped me put in contact lenses. She smiled at me and told me I looked beautiful. Honestly, it was the turning point in my life when I realised I wasn't going to put up with their torture anymore because those monsters have taken away so much from me. They stole my friends, my life and made me into a person I never wanted to be.

But here I am, alive, and every second I breathe I am still fighting.

Thank you for being here for me, the four thousand people who read each post.

Good night.

-Louise.

Here is the latest photo of me:

I do have a nose, and once more this image is so not done in Paint. I mean, how uncool is THAT?!

It's Happening Again

Hi.
How could I have thought I could escape the torments of my past? Two weeks ago I was looking on the bright side, saying everything was going great. I sat my first internal at my new high school and passed with excellence, which I hope is the first of many. That is where the good stuff ends.
"Bug Eye" may have been left in the past, but apparently the new thing is I am Voldemort's daughter, Voldedaught. Honestly, I could laugh at this if they didn't say it with such disdain. What kind of insult is that, anyway? It is incredibly stupid, but still people carry on with it like eight year olds in the primary school playground. At least I have a nose...
-Louise

):

Fresh Start

Hello again.
I am now in Auckland, I had my first day of school today, and I no longer have to share a room with my kid brother. So Auckland is big. My school is big. My room is small, but it was worth losing the few square metres to get a new life.
So, my school: I made a friend. Three, actually. Wendy, Tina and Violet. They seem okay, and the school seems okay. The first thing Violet said to me was: "You are really good at maths." I laughed, because it was a relief not being called Bug Eye because of my huge glasses, or Short Straw because of my height. These people here are nice. I think I might like it here.

Hello Again...

G'day.

So I have some good news: my mum got a new job in Auckland. Do you know what that means? WE ARE MOVING! It couldn't come at a better time considering the name calling has gotten worse. I mean, the Cow physically assaulted me and got away with it! Every time I tried to defend myself, it got worse. You have no idea how hard losing Danny to the flock of sheep hurt me. Of course she wasn't my only friend, I had others. Unfortunately they all joined the flock eventually too. So I have nothing left here.

After days of begging, Dad promised not to tell Mum about the bullying. He's caught me bawling my eyes out more than once, but before Mum notices he sits with me and talks it all out. Dad is like the best friend I will never have right now. Without him and your guys support I don't know how I would have made it through these tough times. So now I can think positive. New city, new school, new life. Nobody will know me and it will be a complete fresh start. 

As always, good news is followed by bad news. I am having my braces for another three months. THREE WHOLE MONTHS. I was supposed to get them off in two weeks, but NOPE. The orthodontist said my teeth aren't ready.

And to end on a good note: Marianne escaped the twelvie phase and has successfully slipped into the stage of being a dramatic year nine. Even so, she is better. We can take a family portrait now without any hitches. 

My room is in boxes at the moment. I feel as though I am too eager to leave because everyone else hasn't even started packing yet. Oops.

-Louise.

Thank You

Hey!
I have to be quick. This is a little addition to last fortnight's post.
Thank you for all of your comments of support. I stood up to her, even though it didn't go so well. In short, Francis the Cow gave me a black eye as a nice reminder not to double cross her ever again. Also, when did I get two thousand page views? This is amazing! It was the highlight of my day coming home to find this. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my blog would get this big.
I am trying to remain strong, for my sake.
Thank you!
-Louise.

I Wish She Would Leave

Hello...
So you know how in September last year I mentioned the new girl in town? She noticed me, and it is not in a good sense. I am one of those girls who is used to blending into a crowd and not sticking out. Now I am like a tree in the middle of a field of grass. Francis stopped me in the middle of the school courtyard yesterday and yelled, "Hey bug eye, why don't you grow a few inches?" Danny didn't even stick up for me. She simply laughed with everyone else and moved over to Francis and gave her a high five. Looks like someone has moved over to join the flock of sheep.
She did it again today. I can't remember her exact words, but it was bad enough for me to skip last period to cry in the bathroom. To make matters worse, Dad found out and interrogated me the moment I got home. He drilled the truth out of me and I don't know what to do...
As I said, I am used to blending in with a crowd. I am used to being a sheep, but now I have no choice but to be a tree in a middle of a field of grass, so obvious. No one stares at the grass, they stare at the tree because it is just so...BIG!
Ignore my rambling. I have homework to do.
See ya next week on the Sweet Life of Louise the Tree.
-Louise.

Here is something to cheer you up if you are having a day life mine (because who doesn't love cute cats?):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArUbC9m-zbM